49 Things I've Learned in 49 Years

49 Things I've Learned in 49 Years

Today, I am 49.

Which feels slightly rude because I'm pretty sure I was 32 approximately six minutes ago.

I don't have life figured out. Honestly, the older I get, the more suspicious I am of anyone who claims they do.

But 49 years of living has taught me some things.

I've raised three humans, loved people, lost people, made great decisions and spectacularly questionable ones, started over, changed my mind, moved across the country (TWICE), built things, walked away from things, found God—and eventually realized He'd been there long before I went looking for Him.

Some lessons came gently. Others not so much..

So, in honor of turning 49, here are 49 things I've learned along the way.

Take what you need. I'm still learning too.

1. There is no universal timeline for a life.

Marriage. Career. Faith. Starting over. Reinventing yourself.

You're not behind. You're living your life.

2. Four quarters are better than 100 pennies.

Give me a few people who show up, tell me the truth, celebrate my wins, and defend my name when I'm not in the room.

I'm not collecting people.

3. Ready is a mindset.

You'll probably never have all the answers or the perfect plan.

Start anyway. You'll figure out a shocking amount after you begin.

4. Not everyone's opinion deserves a seat at the table.

Some people know me, love me, and have earned the right to speak into my life.

Most others? Noise.

Discernment is knowing the difference.

5. Sleep is not wasted time.

That one-third of my life has a funny way of determining how well I function during the other two-thirds.

Go to bed.

6. Meet people where they are—and believe them about where that is.

Stop expecting yourself from other people and stop falling in love with potential.

When words and actions disagree, believe the actions.

People will show you who they are. Pay attention.

7. Getting older is a gift.

Not everybody gets to do it.

There are things I haven't learned, places I haven't been, and, God willing, grandbabies I haven't held yet.

I'm not mourning another birthday. I'm grateful I got one.

8. Accountability will get you further than excuses ever will.

Own your part. Fix what you can. Learn the lesson. Keep moving.

Your story can explain you without becoming an excuse for you.

9. You can still desire something you've decided you no longer want for your life.

I smoked for more than three decades. Even now, there are moments when a cigarette sounds really freaking good.

Wanting it doesn't mean I have to choose it.

That's true about more than cigarettes.

10. Forgiveness and access are two different things.

I forgive because I don't want to carry the anger.

That doesn't mean trust magically returns.

I can want you to eat well without inviting you back to my table.

11. You can't want more for someone than they want for themselves.

Encourage them. Support them. Pray for them. Open the door.

But, THEY have to walk through it.

12. Money should work too.

Earning it is only part of the equation.

Save it. Invest it. Put it to work.

I wish I'd learned that one earlier.

13. Pay attention.

I notice the clouds now. The colors in the trees. The horizon and how incredibly small the ocean makes me feel. My dogs playing.

God put so much beauty in every day, even the ordinary ones.

14. Marriage is an everyday choice.

Love isn't only something I feel.

It's choosing each other again and again—especially on completely normal Tuesdays.

15. The juice isn't worth the squeeze.

That's where I've landed with alcohol.

I don't like how it makes me feel, what it does to my sleep, or the time it takes from me.

The juice simply isn't worth the squeeze anymore.

16. Your children can still watch you grow.

My children are grown, but I'm still becoming their mother.

They didn't get this version of me when they were little.

They get her now. It's never too late to model growth.

17. Not every ending needs a villain.

Sometimes people change. Lives change. Paths separate.

Some relationships belong to a season.

They don't have to last forever to have mattered.

18. My body is a gift.

I wasn't taught to see my body as something worth caring for.

But this body grew and delivered three humans, survived a hell of a lot, and carried me here.

At 49, I understand that it's a gift. I want to steward it well.

19. Happiness requires your participation.

Nobody else is responsible for making you happy.

People can add enormous joy to your life, but you still have to build one you enjoy living.

20. There is nothing too big for the power of prayer.

That's it. That's the lesson.

21. You are never too old to begin again.

Move. Change careers. Build the thing. Learn the skill.

The calendar doesn't get to decide when you're finished becoming.

22. First and foremost, food is nourishment.

Food can be comfort, reward, celebration, boredom, and coping.

I've learned to care much more about what's in it, where it came from, and what it's doing for my body.

Twenty years ago I'd have inhaled a Big Mac without asking a single question.

I ask questions now.

23. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.

I love good company.

I'm also perfectly happy eating at a table by myself.

Enjoying your own company is freedom.

24. God's timing is better than mine.

There were doors I would've kicked open myself if given the opportunity.

Looking back?

Thank God I wasn't in charge of everything.

25. Never underestimate a small yes.

I once said yes to church shopping with a friend.

At the time, it was just a yes.

Looking backward, it changed the trajectory of my life.

You never really know where one small yes might lead.

26. Rich has very little to do with my bank account.

I am richer than I ever dreamt I'd be.

Faith. Marriage. Family. Friends. Freedom. Peace.

None of my greatest wealth shows up on a bank statement.

27. Some pain exists because something mattered.

Grief hurts because there was love.

I wouldn't choose the pain.

But I wouldn't erase the love to avoid it either.

28. "That's just who I am" is a terrible excuse to stay that way.

I can be judgmental. I can be unnecessarily snarky. Sometimes my commentary could simply remain an inside thought.

Knowing my shortcomings doesn't mean I get to decorate them and call them personality traits.

Work on yourself.

29. One paycheck isn't freedom.

I've learned to put my money to work and create more than one way to earn it.

I don't want one outside decision controlling my entire financial life.

30. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff.

Most of the things I've worried about, stressed over, or allowed to ruin a perfectly good day eventually turned out not to be nearly as important as they felt at the time.

Deal with it. Let it go. Keep living.

31. Failure comes with the territory.

Plans flop. Ideas don't work. You'll get things wrong.

Learn. Adjust. Try again.

Failure doesn't get the final word unless you quit.

32. Not everything deserves a response.

This may be one of the greatest gifts I've given my peace.

I can see it.

Disagree with it.

And keep moving.

Revolutionary. 😂

33. Convenience is wonderful. Capability is better.

I don't need to make everything myself.

I just love knowing that I can make more than I used to.

Learning how to do things has changed the way I see what I consume.

34. Knowledge without application doesn't change much.

I'm a world-class collector of information. 😂

But knowing something and living it are two very different things.

Eventually, learning should change something.

35. Question things for yourself.

Especially the important things.

Read. Learn. Ask questions. Pray. Use discernment.

I don't want to outsource my thinking—or my faith.

36. Gratitude doesn't require a perfect life.

I've had incredibly hard seasons and still had so much to be grateful for.

Would I order the hard lessons again?

Absolutely not. 😂

But I'm grateful for what they taught me.

37. I don't need to know what's next.

I trust God. I have a husband I adore beside me.

Whatever comes next, we'll meet it when it gets here.

That's enough.

38. Someone else's treatment of you does not determine your worth.

If I could tell younger me one thing:

Your mother's hatred of you had nothing to do with you or your value.

It took me decades to understand that.

39. Survival mode isn't supposed to become a permanent address.

Survival got me through seasons when surviving was exactly what I needed to do.

But eventually, I had to learn how to actually live.

There's a difference.

40. Wasting my time has become increasingly expensive.

The older I get, the more I understand what time is actually worth.

Money can be replaced.

Time can't.

Spend accordingly.

41. Love people so they know it.

Say it. Show it. Make the call. Give the hug.

At the end of my life, I hope the people who knew me best never have to wonder whether I loved them.

42. I wish I'd known God sooner, but I can't live backward.

I wish I'd known Him when my children were little and could have taught them what I'm learning now.

I can't go back.

They can see this version of me today.

And I can pray for the rest.

43. God's instruction looks different when you see it as love.

I used to hear rules.

Now I increasingly hear a Father saying, Trust Me. I know what you don't.

That changed a lot for me.

44. Don't be addicted to your own sad story.

Your pain matters. Your wounds may explain a lot.

But eventually you have to decide what you're going to do with the life still in front of you.

You survived it. Don't build a house there.

45. Freedom matters more to me than security.

Maybe that's because I spent so much of my younger life focused on simply making it through.

At 49, I'm far less interested in building a life that merely feels safe.

I want one that feels free.

46. Stop saving everything good for someday.

Use the good dishes. Wear the thing. Make the good food. Take the trip when you can.

We're very good at waiting for a special occasion.

You're alive. Seems pretty special to me.

47. I will never stop trying for her.

If I could promise 59-year-old me one thing:

I will never stop trying for us.

I can't promise perfection.

But I'll keep showing up for the woman I'm still becoming.

48. All glory belongs to God.

I'm proud of what I've changed, built, survived, and learned.

But I know I didn't get here alone.

49. He was there all along.

Before I knew Him, God knew me.

I can look backward now and see His silent hand on my life in places where I couldn't see Him at the time.

Through things I survived. Doors that closed. People who came and went. A life I never could have planned.

When the enemy thought he had me, Jesus claimed me, more times than I can count.

And at 49, I know exactly where the glory belongs.

To God.

Every bit of it.

Today, I'm 49.

I'm not finished learning, changing, questioning, building, or becoming.

And thank God for that.

Getting older doesn't feel like running out of time anymore. It feels like being given more of it.

More time to love people well. More time to notice the clouds. More time with the people I love. More time to see what God has planned next.

I don't know what 49 will bring.

But I'm incredibly grateful I get to find out.

Here's to 49. 🤍